But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
