Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
