I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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