woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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