Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
