I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
