going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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