When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
