i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
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She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
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The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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