I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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