eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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