I just pynch a tree in the face
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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