did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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