Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
