Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
