You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
