that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
