I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
