Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
