there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
