a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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