hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I need moral support for this bender
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
