he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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