she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You ate ashes out of my bong
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
