Christians are straight up FREAKS
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
