PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
