Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
