Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
