I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
