I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
