too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
