he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
