Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i think i have two assholes
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
