he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Boobs are out for the taking
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
