i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
