Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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