Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
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His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
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We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.