I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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