apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
