Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
