i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
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also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child