I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
