I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I want to have your abortion
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?