A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If that was your dad, he is hot
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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