'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
