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• (314): View more from Missouri

  I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical

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• (713): View more from Texas

  eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope my margaritas pass through security.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  You have a very discerning palate.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"

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• (281): View more from Texas

  I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.

  (281): View more from Texas

  Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.

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• (315): View more from New York

  We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."

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• (813): View more from Florida

  My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.

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