Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
