i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?