Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience

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  (908): I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience http://tfl.nu/4oik
  Replies (3) Good night (720) Bad night (1264)
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  (516): View more from New York

  you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.

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  (516): you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed (603): well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways. http://tfl.nu/oeiu
  Replies (7) Good night (2281) Bad night (635)
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  (415): View more from California

  I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.

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  (415): I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me. http://tfl.nu/6ugc
  Replies (15) Good night (835) Bad night (2225)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.

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  (302): I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that. http://tfl.nu/9h2q
  Replies (11) Good night (5689) Bad night (1178)
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  (310): View more from California

  so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.

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  (310): so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out. http://tfl.nu/anew
  Replies (22) Good night (8864) Bad night (1434)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.

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  (847): He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street. http://tfl.nu/tq30
  Replies (7) Good night (3132) Bad night (1183)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.

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  (513): This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping. http://tfl.nu/j81d
  Replies (5) Good night (3529) Bad night (958)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines

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  (603): Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines http://tfl.nu/hhep
  Replies (26) Good night (3969) Bad night (1084)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on

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  (832): You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on http://tfl.nu/zwxm
  Replies (4) Good night (3224) Bad night (789)
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  (737): View more from Texas

  Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.

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  (737): Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner. http://tfl.nu/o0od
  Replies (5) Good night (1551) Bad night (767)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!

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  (901): You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?! http://tfl.nu/9kiq
  Replies (5) Good night (1273) Bad night (485)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I'd cum for enchiladas.

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  (850): I'd cum for enchiladas. http://tfl.nu/lnb5
  Replies (2) Good night (667) Bad night (391)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.

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  (563): I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is. http://tfl.nu/vvi6
  Replies (9) Good night (640) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that

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  (830): I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that http://tfl.nu/26i3
  Replies (1) Good night (389) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!

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  (613): I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL! http://tfl.nu/7h4i
  Replies (3) Good night (675) Bad night (344)

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