did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
