I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
