lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
