I'm so fucking centered right now
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
