Sry I called you an 8
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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