happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I look better un-naked...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
