I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
