he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
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Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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