giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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