So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
