don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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