HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
