worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
