he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
