don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
