mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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