Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
