i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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