I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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