it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think my moral compass just broke
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
