He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
