Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
