I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
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How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
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We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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