You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
