yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
ttyl tear gas
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
