We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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