i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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