dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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