Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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