is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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