I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
