Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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