I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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