This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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