I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
